Birth Story
Today my little girl turns 6 months old and so I thought it was about time I shared my (her) birth story. I wanted to write it down partly so I don't forget myself, but because in the lead up to giving birth I enjoyed reading as many birth stories as possible to prepare myself. Also, she is currently napping (yay) and I thought best do something more productive than get sucked into a boxset vortex (again).
It wasn't just the birth stories I read, in the weeks immediately preceding her arrival I spent a lot of time watching youtube videos of births. Before being pregnant I thought anyone who watched births was a little bit weird (one born every minute...no thanks). I have memories of being a teenager and my mum watching one born and asking her why would you ever do that, 'it's just amazing' was her answer while she looked like she was holding back tears. I swiftly left the room after seeing a little grey bundle arrive crying and looking all squished and swollen. Gross (I thought).
As a teenager, and probably right through my twenties I wasn't the most maternal. I wasn't one of those girls who cooed at the babies in the family or when someone brought theirs into the office. 'Do you want to have a hold?' would actually bring on panic as I'd feel my heart racing as I sat their rigid, hoping the baby didn't cry or move. They always seemed so fragile and like their heads would just pop off.
My husband and I always said we wanted to wait until we were in our 30's before thinking about a family but when I had some abnormal results following a smear test and further colposcopy we decided that it was quite naive to think that we could just decide when we would have a baby. Lots of people try for years and so we didn't want to carry on waiting just so we could fit a few more holidays in. We were surprised, but also really lucky, that we fell pregnant pretty much straight away.
When I was 21 I was a birthing partner for one of my cousins so I had seen a baby be born and kind of felt like this gave me comfort that I knew what was coming. She had really wanted a water birth but the hospital at the time only had one pool and by the time she was ready someone else was in there. In the back of my mind I kept thinking I couldn't have this happen to me and when I found out that our hospital only had two midwife led birthing suites, I started to panic that on the day I would be really upset if they were taken.
I was probably about 25 weeks at this point. I had started listening to the Happy Mum, Happy Baby podcast after hearing about it from a friend, and this is where I first heard of Hypnobirthing. I borrowed a book from another friend and started reading up on it. Not everyone who uses hypnobirthing has homebirths but the logic behind it (that our instinct is to give birth in dark cosy spaces and not large bright hospitals) combined with the chance of not getting a pool made me want to look into homebirths.
At my next midwife appointment I asked at what point I would need to say if I was considering a homebirth, she said it should have been an earlier discussion but she would contact the homebirth team and see if they had space for me to be transferred. I was 28 weeks at this point. The next morning I was in work and I received the call from the head of the midwife team for homebirths, she asked why I was considering one and I explained the hypnobirthing book I had been reading and how I want to be able to control whether I have a birth pool. She said ok, your next midwife appointment will be at home and Olivia will be coming to see you. Is that it? I asked. I think was expecting it to be too late or for me to fight for it a little bit more with it being my first. Nope.
I walked to my desk a little nervous whether I had made the right decision as it happened so quick but then reminded myself that worst case if on the day I want to go to hospital then I could. So from then on, all my midwife appointments were at home. On days when I had appointments I could easily just work from home and put my laptop down for the few hours when the midwives were there. It was a small team of midwives and they made sure I met each of them so that when I was in labour I would have met the lead midwife at least once. It was so lovely and I felt much more relaxed knowing that I'd have a familiar face rather than a complete stranger. Plus I would have my own pool if it all went to plan!
My due date came and went, as I expected it would as my mum was induced at 42+ with both me and my brother. I knew that a full induction meant a labour ward delivery so I was so adamant I didn't want to be induced. I felt empowered from the hypnobirthing that all the decisions were mine. Friends had said things like 'oh but the hospital won't let you go over more than ten days will they' and they were surprised when I explained I didn't need to be 'let'. The decisions were mine but I would be advised and given information. I need to find the link but basically they say the risk of still birth doubles after 42 weeks, but if you actually see the figures it goes from something like 0.2% to 0.4% (not the exact figures) so still a tiny percentage as long as you and baby are doing well. I got to 41 weeks and informed the midwife I didn't want an induction and explained the research I'd been doing. They were very understanding and sent me for another scan to make sure everything was ok with the baby.
In the meantime I had been getting membrane sweeps to try and get things moving. In total I had 5 sweeps before our baby decided it was time to make her arrival. The last one was on 13th November and was particularly painful. The others had been uncomfortable but not worse than a smear test. It was super convenient that this was all at home so I wasn't having to trek up the hospital for the 'pleasure'.
I eventually agreed to be booked in for an outpatients induction 14th November, 41 weeks + 5 days. This was the latest I could have an induction and still have a waterbirth, any later induction would have needed to be as an inpatient on the ward and post 42 weeks, even a natural start to labour would be advised to go to hospital rather than the homebirth we had been planning.
My mum and husband thought I needed to relax so after we had a lovely dinner we went for a walk to a new local pub, and I had a small glass of red wine.
At 5.45 am my waters broke while I was in bed. Could have been the last sweep, could have been the wine, who knows?!
My husband had gone to the bathroom so I was half awake and just felt a gush, I ran into the bathroom pushing him out the way so I could check it was my waters and not blood (which was a weird thought that come to my head at that moment). All seemed ok so we just put some pads on the bed and climbed back in to get a few more hours sleep. We had learned in our antenatal classes that unlike the films broken waters did't mean a big crazy rush to the hospital. We also had learned that waters breaking meant that there is a risk of infection if the baby isn't on their way pretty soon after.
When I woke up the next day I called my midwife Olivia, to let her know the situation and she advised that I go up to the hospital with the pads etc. (you have to save all that stuff) so that they could confirm it was definitely my waters that had broken and check all was ok. I still wasn't getting any contractions yet. When I got to the hospital, about 11am-ish, they checked me over and monitored me for an hour or so to make sure both baby and me were ok. The machine was now showing some contractions but they were irregular and not too painful. The midwife informed me that if they baby wasn't en route within 24 hrs of my waters breaking then I needed to be on an antibiotic drip for the infection risk. This would mean a labour ward delivery and probably an induction. She said that although 24hrs would get me to 5.45am the next day they would advise I come to the hospital that night at 11pm, that way I could get some sleep and they would connect the IV but just 'turn it on' when the 24hr window hit, rather than me having to wait and travel in, in the early hours. She spoke as if this was definitely going to happen. I felt as though I had just lost 6 hours of the 18 hours I had left in this '24hr window' so I asked whether I had to come in at 11pm, and was told I could stay at home if I wanted. This made me feel a little better but my 18 hour countdown did turn into a 12 hour one in my head, I knew that if 11pm came and nothing was really happening I would make my way to the hospital so as to not risk any harm to our baby.
I drove back home, I was getting some twinges at this point but didn't mention it to anyone as I didn't want to get their hopes up and I wasn't quite sure whether it was labour or not. I'd had similar twinges a few days earlier but they had gone away after a few hours.
Part of me was a little disappointed it was highly likely I was going to have a water free labour ward birth, but the rest was excited that something was finally happening. I had finished work 2 weeks before my due date so it was approaching 4 weeks into my mat leave, I was so excited to know that I would meet our baby by the weekend at the latest. I knew I needed to get my oxytocin levels up if I wanted things to get going so when I got home I got cosy on the sofa and settled down to watch a film (Fantastic Beasts and where to find them- in case you're interested). My husband and mum moved the sofas around to make space in the living room should we need it for the pool (fingers crossed). My husband also attached the tens machine for me as I'd heard you should use it early to get the full benefits. I managed to fall asleep for an hour or so. When I woke up the twinges were a little stronger but still not too intense or regular.
To keep with the oxytocin theme we put a comedy show on and I was just bouncing on my birthing ball laughing away. We must have watched two whole series if not more of the Task Master, it’s a show presented by Greg Davies which has different comedians on competing. Very funny so good for the oxytocin while bouncing on the birthing ball eating all the cheese!
At about 7pm my husband suggested we go for a walk to change it up a bit. My mum stayed at the flat so we could have time just the two of us. She tidied around and lit all my candles. She even cleaned the kitchen with the rose scented zoflora I’d bought as she knew I’d been using rose oil in my relaxations. So when we got back the flat was sparkling and smelled amazing.
We only done two laps of the block but we were gone over an hour as I kept stopping to breathe through the contractions. It was lovely really we just strolled about talking in between them about how crazy it was that we would have a baby by the weekend. We also kept saying, only this many hours before we have to go to hospital. The contractions were painful enough for me to need to stop walking but felt bearable.
When we got back to our flat they seemed to intensify, I’m not sure if it had progressed slowly or if it was because I wasn’t walking I was feeling them more. I tried to sit back on my birthing ball but it just didn’t feel good, I moved myself to our bedroom and tried to get on all fours with lots of pillows but this didn’t feel great either. Peter was so good at this stage telling me how great I was doing and helping me sway through each one. The tens machine had been timing them each time I pressed the button for a boost but I started tracking each one on my app too. I asked Peter to blow the birthing pool up so him and my mum got working on that while I retreated to the bathroom. It felt like my little safe space sitting on the cool tiles or swaying holding the sink. You wouldn’t believe how small our bathroom actually is.
I knew that calling the midwife at home needed to be at the same stage as it would be for going into hospital. They want you to be having 3 contractions in ten minutes for 2-3 hours, so I was just focusing on tracking and breathing through each one. Some times I was having more than 3 but it was happening steadily for nearly two hours if you counted our walk so peter suggested I call. It was about 9.20, I asked him to speak but Olivia asked to speak to me, which I knew she would. I gave her an update on what had been happening and had to breathe through the contractions that happened while I was on the phone. She said she could come and examine me if I wanted but given this was my first baby she would usually advise it need to be at this intensity for another couple of hours. OMG. The last thing I wanted was an exam to tell me I was only a couple of centimetres dilated so I told her I would wait, she said to call back whenever I wanted. Part of the hypnobirthing teaching talks about how telling a women she is only 2 centimetres can actually slow labour down as the disappointment affects the important oxytocin hormone.
I asked if I could get in the pool and she advised against it. She said to try a cool shower. I remember being so scared to take off the tens machine like the pain was intense with it I didn’t want to imagine how it would feel without it. I think I said to Peter something along the lines of “this is ridiculous, I can’t do this. Why did we think we could do this at home like I could meditate a baby out. I need to go to hospital and have drugs”. Peter assured me that if the shower didn’t help I could just get out and put the tens machine back on, then see how I feel if I want to go to hospital. I felt relief with the shower running against my back for a couple of contractions then just felt my body taking over and trying to push, I felt like I was making noises like a cow and thought I could feel the babies head moving down. I’d been practising with the epi-no so had an idea what this would feel like. I shouted to Peter to call the midwife back and tell her I couldn’t speak and had urgent urge to push. We had discussed quick labours in our home visits and I knew saying this meant they would come right away. She advised him that she would be 20 minutes and would bring the second midwife. Usually only one midwife comes until it’s close to 'go time'.
I got out of the shower, had the tens machine put back on and made my way to the kitchen. I stood next to the birthing pool, dying to get in but waiting for the midwives to arrive (I always was a stickler for the rules). Mum had placed my affirmation cards around the kitchen so I could see them and both her and Peter were fanning me down with these fans we had given out as favours at our wedding.
As advised, Peter put the doors on the latch so the midwives could just let themselves in. They arrived at 10.10pm. As they walked through the door I cried “ can I please have some gas and air” the second midwife whom I hadn't not met before said she would go and get it once they’d examined me. Olivia put something on my tummy so she could check on how baby was reacting when I had a contraction. One came and that cow noise came back as I was trying to stop my body from pushing. I told Olivia I felt like the babies head was coming out and she took a look with a torch. I half expected her to tell me I was wrong but she said “right this baby is on its way, let’s get in the pool” they helped me climb in and Olivia talked me through the next two contractions “right on this next contraction just go with it and bear down, the babies head will come out. Just stop there and wait for the next one. It will sting but it won’t last long.” I did exactly what she said and on the second one our baby was born at 10.25 15 minutes after the midwives had arrived. The relief I felt was amazing, the contractions just completely stopped. No chance for gas & air.
'Oh what a fitting song' Olivia said as 'You're unbelievable' by EMF played from the Radio. This wasn't the piano meditations I'd downloaded as my birth playlist but it had all happened so fast my mum just had the radio on while I was in the bathroom! We thought we had hours to go.
The other midwife went to reach but the baby kind of swam back under my legs so I reached down and pulled them to my chest. I was so shocked by how small they were as I’d expected a big baby. It was a few minutes before someone asked whether it was a boy or girl. I’d forgotten to check. I asked Peter to check, we had a baby girl! We were so shocked. So many people had been convinced I was having a boy from how I’d carried so I convinced myself too! A beautiful little girl. We wanted to do delayed cord clamping but the midwives wanted to check the baby over after a couple of minutes as she didn’t seem very responsive, so they quickly cut the cord and took her off to give her a rub down, within minutes she was crying and Peter took her for some skin to skin. I was keeping my placenta to have it encapsulated so couldn’t have it arrive in the pool. I was helped out to deliver it outside.
I got dry and put my dressing gown and was handed my baby to breastfeed, she knew what to do right away. As she fed I got intense contractions again, no one mentioned this! I was told it was a good sign as it was my uterus contracting back to pre-pregnancy size. Every few minutes I was losing quite big blood clots and the baby was crying on my boobs so the midwives passed her to Peter and my mum to give some formula while they checked me over in our bedroom. They were concerned with the level of blood as I was losing as the baby feeding seemed to be increasing it. All was fine, my mum made some pizza and we all had some with a cup of tea. What’s her name? Mum asked. We had picked one boys name and one girls name about 6 months before we decided to start trying to have a baby but hadn’t told anyone what they were. I hadn't wanted anyone to put us off them.
Peter and I sat on the sofa with Primrose while she slept and the midwives done their thing. My mum was pottering about and taking pictures.
I remember I kept saying someone needed to call the hospital to let them know I wouldn’t be coming in for my induction as they’d be expecting me!
The midwives were with us until about 1am writing their notes and checking us both, they also tidied away quite a bit. When they left we climbed into our own bed with Primrose sleeping in the crib beside us. The next day we woke up and just stared at her, she’d slept through so we thought we had the best baby in the world but apparently they all do that the first night. We lifted her out of the crib into the bed with us and it just felt amazing to be in our own home.
As far as labour goes, mine was straightforward and pretty quick. Apparently they get quicker each time so any future births we would be advised to have a homebirth, fine by me!
"you realise it took nearly two hours to set up and fill that pool and you were in in for ten minutes" quote of the day from my husband
No comments
Post a Comment